Over a year has passed, and we are starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. As COVID-19 restrictions are lifting, companies are making plans to meet in person, gyms and restaurants are reopening, and centers for worship are welcoming back their congregants. Eventually, we all will meet face-to-face, but I am concerned about the damage done to our relationships with each other.
While in quarantine, social media has been one of the only sources for social interaction. Although social media is helpful for some to find connection, entertainment and grow their businesses, for many, can be ground for isolation and disconnection. On social media feeds show us extremes. To only see the highest highs and the lowest lows is not a true reflection of life. So when friends, family, and colleagues only post highlights of their best days or political outrage, trust diminishes.
Instead of absence making our hearts grow fonder, our distance has made us suspicious of one another, pushing us further and further away.
Things may never go back to normal, but to move forward as individuals, organizations, and society at large, we must learn how to trust again.
Here are four ways to rebuild your trust in others.
Building trust is a muscle. So practice.
When your body is out of shape, you cannot expect to run a marathon without training or lift your maximum weight on your first day back to the gym. To avoid injury, you increase the distance, duration, and volume gradually. Similarly, building trust takes practice. Don’t get crazy with it too soon. Start small. One practice you could do is to send a voice text message. When you speak to someone versus typing on a screen, there is volume, intonation, and energy. It humanizes you and makes it hard for you to hate others.
Building trust requires curiosity.
When you are busy trying to prove others wrong, you get nowhere because the other person knows it is all about you. Sometimes we disguise our desire to share our opinion with a question to make it seem curious. However, genuine curiosity is not about our personal beliefs. Learning from different perspectives from the other person is the goal. When you are curious about other people’s ideas without any agenda, they let down their guard. When their tone softens and body settles, your mood changes, synchronizing the both of you together. When you are in sync, there is room for empathy, and empathy is the pathway to trust.
Build trust in a community.
Online can be an echo chamber that rallies around a shared enemy. On the other hand, life-giving communities build trust by caring for each other. The practice of caring for and being cared for by others strengthens your hope in people.
Ask yourself, who can you practice caring for and who could practice caring for you?
Building trust requires personal boundaries.
When building trust, we often talk about contracts between two people but rarely talk about the agreements we make with ourselves. Something happened that broke your trust.
What specifically hurt you? Did they break a promise, lie, use dehumanization speech?
Knowing the cause of your offenses gives you discernment on what boundaries you need to maintain in the future.
In your contract to yourself, what are your non-negotiables in relationships? Where are you unwilling to go emotionally with people who do not have your trust?
Having clear boundaries frees you to trust yourself in any given situation.